My exciting new web site

Hello, everyone! It's been a long, long time. But the good news is that I have been busy working on my web site called: 13Emails.com. There I post my 13 funniest emails that I've sent to unsuspecting businesses, government agencies, organzations and important people.

Of course, there are many more than 13 emails in the email archive there. Also, you can view my updated profile (I am writing as John Farnswell once again!).

Check it out! I really think you'll enjoy it!!!!!!

My presidential slogan

Destined to be remembered forever as the actor that portrayed screechy-voiced, Nixon-loving prick Alex P. Keaton and lame time-traveler Marty McPenis-face (Can’t remember the character’s last name), few people know Michael J Fox got his first big break acting in the kick-ass cult classic Midnight Madness.

Midnight Madness is the story of a bunch of college kids who are chosen by some hash head to play this really intense scavenger hunt. The college kids are divided into these color-coded teams, and they run around town finding clues and all sorts of goofy crap. Blah blah blah…

Any way, Fox plays some annoying little shit with daddy issues and is pretty forgettable. But, the movie is awesome because of a character named Barf. I love Barf a lot. His personality is exactly how you imagine an in-bred child raised next to a nuclear waste dump would be. Basically, he has the IQ of a peanut and the stunning looks of Sloth from the Goonies.

Here Barf tries his hand at arranging a series of cut out letters into a word that he thinks solves one of the clues:




Oddly enough, Barf’s quintessential “Fagabeefe” catchphrase used to ring through my brain at random moments throughout the last twenty years: during wedding ceremonies, physics class lectures, break dance competitions, etc.

I had all but forgotten the catchphrase until this presidential elections. That's when I decided that if I ever run for office, I’m not going to go with some esoteric, make-me-feel-good-about-my-future slogan like “Change” or “Hope.”

Nope. When I run for office, it’s gonna be: Anderson 2012: Fagabeefe!

Who needs Rambo?

Thanks to the investigative reporting powers of the Weekly World News, I feel safe from those evil and vicious doers (or is it vicious evil-doers?). It seems our military has a new secret weapon in its War on Terrorism:



All you terrorists better watch out 'cause we bringing bat boy to yo house!


Everybody chant with me: U-S-A! U-S-A!! U-S-A!!! B-A-T!!! B-O-Y!!!!

I live!

I am back from a 10-day spiritual journey of gargantuan proportions. It was intense and prevented me from writing. You wouldn't believe it: My Internet connection was down; there was a death in the family; the dog ate my homework; I was overcome by a deblitating bout of fugoparkicspinobatosis; David Caruso kicked MY ass. In any event, I feel reborn, shoved back out of a warm and cozy placenta and into the world.

Oh hell. I’ll be honest: I just haven’t had time to write my blog. The last week, I’ve spent much of my time reworking my resume and applying for several rather lucrative web content management positions around the Cleveland area. Much to my surprise, I have been called back for interviews. The prospects are good.

I will begin blogging on a regular basis again very, very soon. I have much to tell you, my disciples!

Be cool; stay in school.