The great Walmart electric shopping cart race

Gosh, I am the biggest boob on Earth. I mean I just don’t think sometimes. Take yesterday, for instance. On my way home from another boring day at work, I stopped into the Walmart in Eastlake. I figured I’d see what kind of stuff was on sale, maybe even buy some groceries. So, I started wandering the aisles, perusing the high-quality products and wouldn’t you know it: I ended up ruining some kind of electric shopping cart race!

Now in my defense, there weren’t any signs or any lanes marked off for the race, and come to think of it, none of the plump people on the carts were wearing numbers, but I’m damn sure there was some kind of race going on. After all, I must have counted about seven or eight people zooming around the store on those motorized things. And me being ignorant and stupid and moronic, I just got in the way, clogging up aisles with my damned able-body.

Whatever type of race it was, these people sure were focused. I specifically recall one blubbery sweat-pants-wearer squeezing his electric shopping cart passed me in the macaroni and cheese aisle. He was strangely entranced. I’m sure it was some kind of athletic, dogged determination, but I could have sworn the guy was just in some kind of zombie –like state on an undead quest to purchase enormous Cheese whiz canisters.

Like I said, I don’t know what the race was. There was no track, no referee and no finish line. It was weird. Maybe they had checkpoints or something along the way, because I kept seeing these electric cart people in specific areas - like the Randy Travis CD sale rack, the “As Seen on TV” back hair removal kit and Funyans party bag sections.

I admit I was pleased to see the race was a co-ed event that seemed open to anybody who wanted to enter except: elderly people, pregnant women or physically disabled individuals. This was probably because they have slower reactions or something, and the organizers didn’t want to endanger any of the other drivers.

Well, I was really distracted by the race and everything so I didn't actually buy anything. But before I left, I made sure to go over to the store manager and apologize profusely for my ankles repeatedly getting in the way of these electric cart racers. He just kind of blinked in my direction.

Man, I really need to pay more attention and stop doing stupid thing.