Once overcome by the spirit of Christmas, Christmas Holiday Wench instinctively and aggressively curses cash register clerks, steals parking spots and scrounges through toy aisles like a looter in the East L.A. riots.I worked at JC Penney's during the winter break of my sophomore year in college. It was a challenging job that involved folding clothes, ringing out fat patrons and well...folding clothes. Vicious Christmas Wenches often appeared at my register. I usually could tell by their clenching teeth and the pulsing veins in their forehead that I was in for trouble. Generally, throughout a two minute checkout, Vicious Christmas Wenches would be sure to explain to me (in a tone that denoted a certain air of lunacy) that:
- the lines were horrible
- I wasn't ringing fast enough
- if I was going to work a cash register, I should shave
- my smirk was not appreciated
- the store was a mess
- the parking lot was icy and cold
- prices in the store did not match the prices in the paper
- I needed to pop that zit on my chin IMMEDIATELY
If my experience in dealing with the numerous Vicious Christmas Wenches has taught me anything, its to lay low, view from afar and when push comes to shove, use MC Hammer dance moves to ward off coming attacks from this cranky Christmas shopper.
To help you better defend yourself against these hate-filled Christmas creatures, I have kindly provided training for you in the Youtube video below. I hope you appreciate this and send money to my "Buy the cowboy some yogurt fund" which will be coming to fruition in January of 2009. In the meantime, Turn this mutha out (ghetto for - "dance away those Vicious Christmas Wenches")!
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